We dont know nothing. Fear of living

As a kid, I was very naive kid. Intelligent, but naive. Not dumb, naive. Although I didn’t grow up in hardcore religious family, I developed very bad beliefs about God, which lead me to fear of God, which lead to fear of life, which lead to fear of mistakes, which lead to fear of expressing myself. As a kid, I have been taught that other older people are more worthy than myself and that I need to respect them. I always was thinking that older people know something that I don’t know. I felt helpless and older people looked like they have some power. I had many questions inside of myself, and older people looked like they know all answers. Older people always looked that they have figured out life, that they have achieved something that I still need to achieve. That they have reached the point that I need to reach. You can imagine how much inner struggle I was having. How much feelings of worthlessness, depression and feelings of lack. Actually, depression is a lack. A lack of feelings. Because to be nice and to show respect to others all the time, you have to repress anger, and by repressing your feelings, you become depressed. Luckily, as I grow little older, I was smart enough to realize that older people also don’t know nothing about life. Lets face it. No one knows the answers to life biggest questions. Not only that. No one knows what is going on and no one knows for sure anything. People behave in a way that shows like they know something. They act like they are smart. They act almost as if they are superior. But in reality, we don’t know nothing. We all are scared deep inside. We all are insecure, and we all think that others are better than ourselves. We see life as a opportunity to be right and to show other that they are wrong. We see life as a opportunity to be smart and to manipulate others on intellectual level. We see life as opportunity to get a praise by other people. We don’t see life for what it is. Unknown and uncertainty. Freedom for exploring. Freedom for living. Freedom for feeling. Freedom for falling. Freedom for not knowing. Freedom for good and bad feelings. Instead of looking at life as pleasure or pain, we look at life as right or wrong. These institutions had taken away our animal freedom. Our need to feel wild. I can finally feel relaxed because I see there is no right or wrong in life. There is only living. The whole point of life is living, is that simple. But we forgot to truly live because we think we know something. Because we are seeking more and more security and creating it, we are losing our ability to really live and to be vulnerable. Why we don’t feel pleasure and ecstasy? Why life is not pleasant journey? Because we are afraid to die. We all are afraid to lose everything that we have created. We are told that we need to build respectable character in this society and that this is purpose of life, but when we will see that we cannot take our respectable persona with us in the moment of death? We have to leave not only money, but also our personality, our intellect, our ideas, our fears, everything. Only those who are ready to lose everything, can truly live with ecstasy.

D.P. 16.5.2017.

 

Thank you for reading! If you are poet or if you are writing in a poetic way, please feel free to contact me if you would like to build a community, do some projects, collaborations, masterminds or maybe just exchange ideas. Also if you want to suggest something to me or if you have any message for me. Thank you!

dario.ples10@gmail.com

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