Sad news for christians

Breaking news. I have sad news for christians. I would warn to not read this for christians with heart problems.

Resurrection of body doesnt exist. It doesnt exist. Hahaha. It is impossible. It doesnt take a lot of intelligence to figure that out. Believe me, I am stupid.

And I know this is a relief for many ugly people. But for us that have nice body and face, we need to get disappointed. Yes, yes, I know you are sad, but external beauty is not eternal.

But even if resurrection of body is true, how our body is going to look like when we get resurrected? Are we going to look old, young, skinny, fat? What if someone loses arm? Is he going to resurrect with new arm or is his arm gone forever?

Or what if someone cuts your head, how are you going to be resurrected? Without head?

Oh wait, I know the answer. Church teaches us that when Jesus was resurrected, so, he come back from dead, and he showed to his followers wounds on his palms. So, it is clear sign that our physical wounds remains on our body.

So, that means that heaven is full of old, fat people without arms, legs or heads. Or the people that did circumcision. Man, once you did it, it is gone forever.

So, it would be best to make suicide now when I am still young, healthy, good-looking and while I still have all the parts. Here, I have a solution. Go on a diet, get in shape, get some muscles and then do a suicide. So when you get in heaven, you will be most good-looking person there. When I get a trumpet, everybody will be looking at my biceps, and then when I start singing: Allelujah !!! I will be the man. It is better that I go to heaven before I lose my hair and I become bald. Oh, too bad for people that are suffering from cancer, they will be resurrected without hair.

But there is a one problem. If I do suicide, I am making a sin and then I will not get to heaven. Oh, this God is just unbeliviable. You cannot beat Him. He is such a trickster. He knows all the tricks.

Hahaha! Who said zombies doesnt exist? Christians believe in zombies. In fact, that means that Jesus was a zombie. Because otherwise how could he rise from the dead? My mother, when she looks at me, she always tell that she gave a birth to monster, but mother of Jesus really gave a birth to monster.

That means that our God maybe is also a zombie. So, if we accept Jesus, we will be “resurrected”, yes, “resurrected” in eternal life. Because zombies cant die. They want to kill all humans, they want to dominate.

People, be careful, zombies are around us. Let the battle begins.

Dario Ples, 8.7.2017.


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